im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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