I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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