I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
