I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
