I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
