I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
whose parrot is this?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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