grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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