Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
