i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
