now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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