Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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