On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
