I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
