pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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