When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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