Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
