It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
