What a fucking waste of an outfit
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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