ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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