It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
