Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
