You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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