no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
handjob tips. give me some.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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