he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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