That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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