so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
