I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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