I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
