hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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