Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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