I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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