i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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