shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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