I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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