airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
