Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
