Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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