what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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