I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
