This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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