burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
