yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
