In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just invented taco cereal.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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