somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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