just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
