some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize