just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
