Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
