any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
