Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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