Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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