he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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