I'm sorry my penis didn't work
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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