Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
