Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize