omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
