so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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