You just made me feel so damn special
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
