dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
