We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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