don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Vodka?
Forever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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