so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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