he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
