every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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