Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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