im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
