The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
