VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
