My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
