I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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