Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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