Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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