3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
