Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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