so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
