i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize