It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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