Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
