my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
