dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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