I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
