we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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