dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
