Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
