We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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