yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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