He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
