So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
