I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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