I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
