Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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